This is one of the hardest things to watch as a parent.
You remember what it used to look like. They loved their sport. They played free. They were aggressive, instinctive, and full of energy. There was a lightness to the way they competed.
And then something shifted.
Now they hesitate. You see it in small moments at first. A split-second delay. Passing when they used to attack. Holding back instead of going for it.
Mistakes hit harder. Frustration shows up faster. And sometimes, they just shut down completely.
You are left sitting there, thinking, “What happened?”
Here is the truth. Confidence does not just disappear.
It almost always follows something.
A bad performance that sticks with them longer than it should
A jump in competition where they suddenly feel outmatched
Pressure, either from themselves or what they think others expect
Comparison to teammates, opponents, or social media
That quiet fear of letting people down
And then, almost without noticing it, one thought starts to take hold.
“What if I am not good enough?”
That thought changes everything.
I worked with an athlete who had just come off a really strong season. She was used to being one of the top performers. She played with presence. She trusted herself. There was no hesitation in her game.
Then she stepped into a more competitive environment.
Nothing about her ability had changed, but everything around her did. The athletes were bigger, faster, and more experienced. The attention shifted. She was no longer the standout. She felt average. On some days, she felt invisible.
And this is where it started to unravel.
She began watching everything and everyone. Who was getting recruited. Who the coaches were talking to. Who was starting. Who was getting praised.
Every practice turned into a comparison.
Every game felt like a test.
Instead of playing, she was evaluating herself in real time.
“Am I good enough?”
“Do I belong here?”
“What are they thinking about me?”
I remember the moment she said it.
“I feel like I don’t belong.”
And you could feel how heavy that had become for her.
But when we slowed it down and really looked at what was happening, the truth was very clear.
She had not lost her ability.
She had lost her perspective. And more importantly, she had lost trust in herself.
So we started there.
We pulled her focus away from everything she could not control. Recruiting, other players, outside opinions. All of that noise.
And we brought her back to what was actually hers.
Her effort
Her presence
Her body language
Her leadership in small moments
We kept it simple and repeatable.
At first, it felt uncomfortable for her. She was so used to measuring herself against everyone else that focusing inward felt almost foreign.
But slowly, things started to shift.
You could see her relax a little. She started taking more chances again. Her energy came back. Not all at once, but enough to notice.
And over time, her confidence started to rebuild. Not because someone told her she was amazing, but because she started experiencing herself differently again.
This is where a lot of parents, understandably, try to help.
You say things like, just be confident. Don’t worry about it. You are so talented. You are amazing.
And I get it. You want to lift them up.
But here is the challenge.
Confidence is not built from words.
It is built on experience and having the right tools in the moment.
So what actually helps?
The first shift is moving the focus away from outcome and back to process.
When an athlete is focused on scoring, winning, or stats, their confidence will always feel fragile because those things are not fully in their control.
But when they focus on effort, decision making, and small wins within the game, something changes. They start to feel in control again. And that is where confidence begins to grow.
The second piece is helping them recover from mistakes.
This is a big one.
The fastest way to lose confidence is not the mistake itself. It is not knowing what to do after it.
Every athlete needs a reset.
A pause
A breath
A simple phrase like next play
Something that brings them back instead of letting one moment turn into five.
The third piece is your post-game conversation.
This matters more than most parents realize.
If the car ride home feels like an evaluation, even if it is subtle, athletes start to associate performance with pressure.
Instead of leading with what went wrong or what they should have done, try shifting the conversation.
What felt good out there
What did you notice
What did you learn
Now you are helping them reflect on true confidence building blocks.
Here is the big shift I want you to take away.
Confidence is not personality. It is not something your child either has or does not have. It is not reserved for certain types of athletes.
Confidence is a skill.
And like any skill, it can be rebuilt.
Your athlete does not need more pressure right now. They do not need more critique. They do not even need more hype.
They need tools that help them trust themselves again.
And when that trust comes back, everything else starts to follow.
If this is something your athlete is going through, you are not alone. This is exactly the work I do every day.
You can start here
https://ewperformance.com/contact/
